Friend Bunny

Archive for May, 2010

 
Have you ever looked at your friends who have long term partners and wondered why you haven’t got that in your life? Do you ever wonder when Mr. or Ms. Right will come along, and what the hold up is? Have you ever thought if perhaps, possibly, you’re doing something that could be keeping them at bay?
Conventional dating and online dating in the new millennium is vastly different, thanks to the internet, however still very much similar as it has always been for singles. Take a look at some of the more common mistakes singles make when starting to date new people. Perhaps you’re making some of these mistakes?
 

Lets assess your appearance and personal hygiene?
Take some time to get ready for your date. Clean your teeth. Refresh your breath. When you chat with your date, bad breath will surely be a turn off. SHOWER! Men, be sure to use deodorant. Ladies, don’t go overboard on the makeup or perfume. Select a pleasant looking outfit to wear and be sure it is suitable for the date. You wouldn’t wear an Armani suit when on a picnic, and you wouldn’t wear ug boots to the opera.
 

Make sure you are well mannered?
When singles are dating and trying to chat there are fewer turn-offs than a date who piles their dinner into his or her mouth, or even swears. Females who make snide remarks and chat about others during conversation is in pretty poor taste, and male singles who don’t hold doors open and other basic courtesies will find themselves getting the cold shoulder at the end of the night. “Please,”, “thanks,” and “excuse me” are important phrases to employ; they show your date that you are a respectful person.
 

Don’t chat constantly, let your date have some breathing space. Exposing your life history in day one? Nattering on regarding esoteric knowledge that may not interest him?
Everyone likes to be listened to. Your date is no exception! Whilst you may think the story of your life to be very fascinating, odds on that generally the first couple of dates, that guy probably isn’t all that interested in hearing every detail of your life in high school. That lovely little women most likely wont share your deep and enduring interest with vintage belt buckles, either. Singles should chat openly and ask and each other light hearted questions. Touch on these subjects, no problem, but don’t harp on them to the exclusion of all else, be sure that your date has ample time to talk, as well. These tips always apply whether you are dating in person, or you are in a private chat via an online dating service.
 

Make sure you pay attention when she is chatting to you?
“Uh huh,” “yep,” “Oh, right…”  – these remarks are a death knell to the start of a friendship. This implies that you’re distracted, not giving full attention to your date’s conversation. No one enjoys being on the sidetracks of someone’s thoughts, especially when they’re dating. LISTEN to him. Make remarks that show you are giving her full attention. “Really, your boss said THAT?” “and, where DID you decide to go?”
 

If you met through an online dating service, do you really look like that picture you uploaded?
This is a HUGE and frequent error many singles make when using online dating and chat rooms. They upload a photo from five years or fifteen Kilograms ago, or have a studio shot done, and wonder why their date looks let down or shocked when they meet for the first date.
We all want to appear at our very best and present the best possible appearance, however uploading out-dated and unrealistic photos is not the answer. Take or find a few photos that truly represent how you look RIGHT NOW. Don’t just fob off what is actually a work of fiction as fact.
 

Are you posing? Acting arrogant and conceited?
If you consistently pull that large wad of currency out, chat about your amazing achievements in sport, your job, and life, or take too much time removing that pocket compact to maintain your mascara, you’re going down a wrong track. Many singles dislike a flash date. Try to be a little more modest.
 

Don’t be TOO modest!
No one wants to reassure their date all night. “I honestly hope you think I look okay!,” “I’m such a huge clumsy galah!” and similar are NOT good conversation starters, or serious relationship starters. Show alittle self-confidence, however don’t be arrogant and conceited about it. It can be a fine line, often, but not that hard to find.
 

Not always a good idea to focus on sex too quickly?
Sex is the best way to kill a budding romance. Guys, when you try to bed her too quickly, you’re sending her the signal that all she is, is just a convenient body to be enjoyed to satisfy your desire, that you’re not really looking for a long term romance. Ladies, even in this new millennium, jumping into bed too quickly tells men that you’re heaps of fun in the sack, but not the sort of women they want to bring home and introduce to Mum and Dad.
When is the right time to go that extra step? That’s difficult to say, however certainly do not try within the first three to five dates. Allow some time to get to know your dating partner before you move onto sex. If the time is right, you will know. Those singles looking for a quickie, try your luck with adult online dating sites, or the local night club or bar.
 
Putting it in perspective.
With the first couple of dates, the answer is to allow time getting to know them, while giving him or her enough opportunity to realize who you are, also . Chat, listen, and be respectful. Don’t forget that the person you are dating is probably just as nervous as yourself, so try to be forgiving if they make mistakes. They will probably be more likely to dismiss your little errors in return!
A first date should be light-hearted, cheerful, and enjoyable. So keep it pleasant and upbeat, you’re so much more likely to have a return date, and who knows? This first date might be the last first date and the start of something special!

  Free Online Dating Service and Chat Rooms for Singles Internet Dating

I just saved a Bull Frog in the cistern we are restoring in our 100 year old barn. She is a beautiful creature and has lived there for for perhaps more than a year. But since we are about to do some heavy duty construction on the barn’s foundation, I needed to go down through a very narrow hole to retrieve her.

I grabbed her with two hands and looked into her eyes before placing her in a plastic jar to hand to Tom, my husband, who had created a large pool for her in the basement.

A Saint Francis moment, indeed.

Saint Francis moments abound here on Blue Heron Farm, which we call this beautiful place.

We live on the meandering Conestoga River, bringing geese, heron, ducks and bird life to us in abundance. And Frogs, of course.

We have deer friends who are secure here after our eighteen years of residency.

One friend in particular is a deep brown color and we plant a tomato garden for her and her family every year.

She stands and looks at us in the early spring each year as if to say: Hey! Don’t forget to plant my garden!!

Humans are not the most trustworthy species as far as deer are concerned.

The fifth aphorism of Pananjali states: “When a person is steadfast in his abstention from harming others, then all living creatures will cease to feel enmity in his presence.”

The deer, racoons, geese, frogs and heron all use our property as a refuge.

They know they are safe and we marvel in their company.

Hanging out with these creatures of God-ess reminds me of Saint Francis and what I call the Saint Francis effect.

My dogs are the recipient of great love in what they teach us in this life time: unconditional love, forgiveness, and great patience in the face of human foible.

The greatest book ever written about Saint Francis is called: “God’s Pauper: St. Francis of Assisi” by Nikos Kazantzakis, author of Zorba the Greek.

The book was out of print for many years but then was re-published in paperback in 1999. I got a copy as soon as I heard about it, circa 2002.

Reading the book transports consciousness to a mystical perspective.

The prologue of the book serves as an example:

“If I have omitted many of Francis’s sayings and deeds and if I have altered others, and added still others which did not take place but which might have taken place, I have done so not out of ignorance or impudence or irreverence, but from a need to match the Saint’s life with his myth, bringing that life as fully into accord with its essence as possible.

“Art has its right, and not only the right but the duty to subject everything else to its essence. It feeds upon the story, then assimilates it slowly, cunningly, and turns it into legend.

“While writing this legend which is truer than truth itself, I was overwhelmed by love, reverence and admiration for Francis, the hero and great martyr. Often large tears smudged the manuscript; often a hand hovered before me in the air, a hand with an eternally-renewed wound: someone seemed to have driven a nail through it, seemed to be driving a nail through it for all eternity.

“Everywhere about me, as I write, I sensed the Saint’s invisible presence; because for me, Saint Francis is the model of the dutiful man, the man who by means of ceaseless, supremely cruel struggle, succeeds in fulfilling our highest obligation, something higher even than morality or truth or beauty: the obligation to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusted to us and turn it into spirit.” Nikos Kazantzakis

Do we all have this same obligation? to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusts to us and turn it into spirit?

Only Nikos Kazantzakis could or would ask that question and have us wonder if we, too, can rise to this test of human potential?

Communing with the animals of Mother Nature these last eighteen years continues to be a spiritual practice: of being riveted in present moment reality, of experiencing compassion and love for all creatures great and small, and in these spaces of infinite awareness, we perceive the fragile preciousness of this world and beyond.

The Saint Francis statue which beautifies the flower garden is also a reminder of this fragile balance.

The Bullfrog in her new home typifies many more hours of grace as we care for her. The dogs know she is here to stay, probably knew this long before I did.

The Saint Francis effect is now clear. All of these years of animal communication and sharing the land and our home, and reading Nikos Kazantzakis’s words today, has simplified this.

As we look to the Saints and in this case, Saint Francis for guidance, we are automatically transforming matter into spirit.

God-ess has entrusted this beautiful planet to us, our families, homes, our very lives; may we care and love and transform all of it and ask the infinite realms, which surround us at all times, to help us remember their guiding presence and to learn to access it the moment we ask.

May we know that these wishes are granted ceaselessly.

There is a limit on how close a couple can be to each other if they are not also close to God.  Not only individually close to God, but close as a couple as well.

In our Marriage Counseling practice most of the couples who come to us want a deeper spiritual life together. How does a couple get closer to God?

The first thing to do is plan/prepare. Sit down as a couple to talk about the things that have made you feel close to God in the past or that you think would make you close to God in the present. Make two lists.  It would be common for each spouse to have different ideas. Since this article is about getting closer to God as a couple, look at the two lists to see if there is anything you could do together.

Set yourselves up for success. See if there is an item that both of you have on your lists (for instance prayer). Talk about how you both like to pray, when to pray, and where to pray. The goal is to come into agreement on how you would like to go about praying as a couple. There is an old saying that couples that pray together stay together.

Getting started is the easy part. The more difficult part is to be consistent with your new goal. Let’s look at some things that would help. You can start with setting a specific time each day. If setting a time each day is too rigid a couple might try setting a sequence, i.e. breakfast, dress, make bed, prayer. Also a couple might arrange accountability with another couple who would like to also improve their spiritual life together.

Once you have started your new goals and practiced them for a period of time, perhaps 30 days, it will become second nature to you and it will require much less effort to sustain.

The strongest thing that you can then do as a couple is to turn outward to help other people.  Volunteer at church, help out at a shelter or soup kitchen, or visit a sick friend. If your schedule is too busy to help others, then you are too busy. Purposely helping others will be a life changing experience.

Taking turns reading aloud from a book that helps you get closer to God is very effective. When you read aloud you both experience the words at the same time and can have very meaningful discussions on the content.

Praying for each other is an excellent tool and life changing experience. We recommend buying and using Stormy Ormartian’s Power of a Praying Husband and Power of a Prating Wife as great tools for those who are not experience at praying for each other.

Nothing is more important and effective than reading the Bible. My wife and I read the same Chapter at the same time. We highlight the verses that are the most meaningful to us and then discuss together.

In our Christian Marriage Counseling practice we see that couples that are close to God heal the fastest even if they come to us in crisis. We also see that those couples who have not been close to God and close to each other before they came, but make the decision to change have great success in healing their hurts and regaining a true “closeness”.

About Marriage Rescue Associates | Marriage Counseling

With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.

Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.

Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.

To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org