Friend Bunny

Archive for September, 2010

A good marriage counselor can be very helpful. Working on the issues in your marriage may seem simple but sometimes it is helpful to have an objective marriage counselor to assist you. A good marriage counselor will give you tools and techniques to improve your communication and help you deal with your problems in a healthy way. Seeing a marriage counselor can make you feel like you have hope for a happy marriage. A marriage counselor knows how to help couples facing money issues, issues with their sex life and other issues that couples often face and can help you overcome your problems.

Top Three Reasons to Look for a Marriage Counselor:

1. To allow you to better deal with the strong emotions that are associated with problems in a marriage.
2. To help you find a path to a happy and satisfying marriage that you can be excited about.
3. To give you the tools you need to work on the problems in your marriage.

If you and your partner are able to cope with the emotions that problems in your marriage bring, to work towards a resolution to your problems and you have the tools to do this than you probably would not get a lot out of seeing a marriage counselor. Couples really need to try to work out their issues themselves first before seeing a marriage counselor. If you and your partner need help dealing with issues in your marriage, though, you should see a marriage counselor because the issues are not going to go away on their own.

What Should You Look for in a Marriage Counselor?

You can simply open up the phone book for your local area and choose a marriage counselor if you want to. You could also get a recommendation from a trusted religious leader or your doctor. The best way to find a marriage counselor is to talk to a friend or family member that has used a marriage counselor and has a much better relationship now. Not everyone is willing to talk about their experiences with a marriage counselor, though, so this is not always easy to do.

However you go about selecting a marriage counselor it is important to choose wisely so you get someone that can really help you. The marriage counselor needs to be someone who you and your partner can be comfortable with so you both need to have input into the choice of the marriage counselor.

It is important to make sure any marriage counselor you select has the right credentials including a license and certification in family and marriage counseling.

Your marriage counselor should have a current license in the mental health field. The majority of marriage counselors have a certificate and license in marriage and family therapy. Every state has their own rules for licensing therapists and counselors. Marriage counselors in most states have to have a Master or Doctorate degree of some sort, must have done training during graduate school in marriage and family therapy and must have worked under experienced therapists for the required amount of time. A marriage counselor has the option of becoming licensed with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) which has its own specific requirements for membership.

A marriage counselor can set up their own office or they can operate out of a health clinic, hospital, or a government organization. Your doctor may be able to recommend a good marriage counselor for you to work with or you can ask people you know if they have any recommendations. Other sources for a marriage counselor recommendation include your insurance company, a religious leader or local government organizations. Or you can just open up the phone book and look there.

When you are looking for a marriage counselor you will want to be sure to ask potential therapists the right questions.

Here are some questions you should ask:

What licenses and certifications do you hold and what professional organizations are you affiliated with?
What degrees do you have and what training have you gone through?
How many couples have you counseled with our specific problems?
What are your fees?
Will our insurance cover any of the fees?
What is your office location and your hours of operation?
What is the length of the sessions you offer?
How often would we meet with you?
How long would we have to attend therapy sessions?
What do you do if we have to cancel a therapy session?
Are you available if we have an emergency?

How Much Does Marriage Counseling Cost?

In most cases, you and your partner will be responsible for part if not all of the cost of the marriage counselor. What types of rates can you expect from a marriage counselor? You can pay anything from $50 to $200 for a session with a marriage counselor but the average price per hour is close to $100. The average couple will spend about 3 months in therapy, meeting with their marriage counselor weekly so the process will probably end up costing close to $1200. This is the average cost of therapy for most couples. Depending on how severe your issues are, though, you could meet with your counselor weekly for as long as a year or two. This could mean spending as much as $10,000 on the therapy but it is a small price to pay if you avoid a divorce.

If you put the cost of a marriage counselor in perspective by looking at how important to you mentally and emotionally to have a happy marriage than it doesn’t seem so expensive after all. You will get more satisfaction from a happy marriage than you would with material goods you could buy with the same money. Actually, people often start working together better and improve their financial situation after they learn how to communicate by seeing a marriage counselor. 

It will be up to you and your partner to determine when you are ready to stop seeing the marriage counselor.

Often, men are anxious to stop seeing the marriage counselor as soon as possible even if the therapy sessions were their idea. Sometimes men resent the fact that the marriage counselor is telling them what to do and making sure they are following through. Some men go along with the marriage counselor only as long as they have to to make their wives happy and after the therapy sessions are over they are back to behaving the way they were before the therapy.

If you think that your partner is likely to behave this way, you should not stop seeing the marriage counselor until both of you feel you have made significant progress. It may be a good idea to go see the marriage counselor less often but not stop all together. Seeing a marriage counselor can do wonders for your relationship!

Do you find it difficult to tell someone you love them

Many people don’t know how to express themselves well, and if they want to tell someone that they love them, aren’t sure how to do it.

The truth is that there is no magic recipe, there is no right way to do it.

You should pick an occasion that seems right to you. But be sure that you don’t rush it – take time to think about your feelings and be sure that it is love that you are feeling.

If you are going to tell someone that you love them, then make sure you do it at a quiet time where it is just the two of you in private.

If you find it difficult to express your feelings use one of our poem templates, or take parts from other poems to create a truly unique personalised love letter.

For more Love poems go to A Message in a Bottle

A Special World

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

So if you need to Tell Someone Special You Love Them tell them in a unique and personal way by sending them A Message in a Bottle

Even though we are living in a free country, but it is a rare thing to see gay people freely expose their identity, moreover for gay teens. Well, it is very understandable because not all people in their environment are supporting their life choice. The condition makes them unable to find their partner easily. To help them to find the perfect partner, gay dating sites are served.

If they want to join gay dating, then the first thing they should do is gaining confidence. Be a confidence person who appreciates life. It is so important in dating because people are looking for positive energy and by having such character, more people will come to them. It opens a great opportunity to get the perfect partner. An important thing that should be applied to get a success relationship through gay dating site is examining what was happening in the past relationship. With that way, they can determine what strength and weakness they have and eliminate things that can ruin the relationship.

In the free gay dating sites, rejection is a common thing. Therefore, be prepared to face rejection or people who have unpleasant character. Act such things wisely and don’t give up finding the best partner.

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If you are suffering from certain pain, Tramadol is a medication that will help you ease the pain quickly. This medication is a popular pain reliever that can treat certain pains safely. However, it is recommended that you visit your doctor first if you are going to take Tramadol to ease your pain. This is because some side effects may occur and your doctor can give you some advice about it. Sometimes, you can be addicted to the drug if you take it for a long period of time.

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Communication in friendship is very important. It determines the kind of relationship there is. Without communication, there is no friendship and this is best known to people who are in friendship relationships. It is very important to have friends who we can talk to. However, all friendships will face some form of problems in regard to communication. The problem is not the imperfection of relationships rather it is the willingness to make things right. It will all be determined by the kinds of friends you make in the first place. Before you become very close to somebody for friendship, it is necessary that you envision a future. There are people who just make life miserable while there are some who help us become better. The latter will always win when it comes to the choice of friendships. We all want a person or people who can help us achieve our goals through their words and encouragement. Communication in friendship is the only way that you can really know the thoughts and the heart of your friend. Therefore, it is a high time to invest in this. When you have a solid foundation, you can work thorough anything in this regard.

Communication in friendship will therefore be determined by the kind of foundation you have. If you have friends who are not mutually of your choice, there is no way that you can have the perfect relationship. Communication in friendship will help determine whether some friends are real and whether others are just playing with you. To have a solid foundation, it must all start with you. You must be lovable for others to trust you. Work on your weaknesses and provide a good environment where love for friends can really grow. Use traits in character to judge who good friends for you will be. This way, you will have better communication once you are in the relationship. When the foundation is right, you can resolve all your problems through proper communication. For example, there are times when you will hurt your friends and because you understand each other, you will find the heart to apologize and move on.

Proper communication in friendship will ensure that you forgive each other where you go wrong. In many friendships, friends stay quiet and they are not able to identify the problem let alone forgive each other. It is vital for all friends to know that friendships are about choices and when you make the right choice to extend an olive branch, you will have saved a lot of heart ache in your relationship. Do not take issues lightly in friendships because you can pay dearly. Remember, friends are there to help us through dark times and, to celebrate with us when times are good. Life is never complete without good friends and friendships are worth saving. Make sure to spend a lot of time together learning what your friends like and what they do not like. These will open doors to communication and your relationships will be enhanced.

A few years ago I happened to pass by my boyfriend’s phone when it was ringing and I saw a girl’s name appear on the screen. At 11pm. I then realised how often he took his phone with him into the bathroom or how he got text messages without spontaneously telling me who they were from. It was a painful period, and of course it turned out he had another girl in his life… Now they live together and I’m happy in my love life, but it still hurts when I’m thinking of it. The fighting, worrying, wondering. The lies.

Me and the guy broke up and moved on, but sometimes infidelity is just an interruption in an otherwise happy relationship. It’s most times hard or impossible to justify or understand, but if the life you have together is larger than a drunken incident or a moment of inhibitions, you might give love a chance.

Some advice, if you want to save your marriage or relationship, are:

-      Cheating is external: See the cheating as a big black demon coming into your relationship. It doesn’t matter who was responsible for the act; both of you are hurt and damaged; one is feeling betrayed and the other ashamed. But the problem is best treated if it’s seen as something outside of the relationship that both of you have to fight off, move on from and leave it behind.

-      No blame game: If you don’t see the cheating as a shared problem, the post cheating phase can easily turn into a blame game where you play “victim and criminal”. If you keep on dwelling the past, you will be trapped in the negative emotions and memories. If you spend your time and energy finding ways to be happy from now on, it will be easier to move on.

-      How to move on? This means it is important that you don’t try to find answers or explanations for what happened if there are no rational reasons. Human beings are not always acting smart and we don’t always act according to our values. Sometimes we get carried away and loose control. Only look at the answer to the question “why did it happen?” if you also answer “How can we prevent it from happening again? Accept that the dark demon came in to your life and that you want a brighter future. The good guys win.

-      A new promise: Trust is the key to move on. You need to promise each other that you want to be together full on. You want to love and be loved. You want to be a team – strong and happy together. Tell your partner what you like about your relationship and listen to them. Trust doesn’t come from “I will never do this again”, but from “I want to love YOU and create a good life together”. Cheating and infidelity is very selfish. It can’t be justified. The cheater hurts other people, and if you have children you betray them too. But if you and your spouse seriously want to fix things between you, you seriously have to let go of the past. Create a new contract between you. Sit down, hug and kiss, and make promises and plans around these areas:

-      What will make you feel loved?

-      How can I make you happy?

-      What can I do in my life or my own personal development to make our relationship happier?

-      Can we spend more time together, give more compliments, have more sex, go out more with friends etc…?

As a love coach I prefer to give you some more questions, rather than giving advice. The best advice comes from within you. When you are aware of your feelings and understand the situation, you will know what to do.

-      Can I choose to trust my loved one?

-      What do I need (words, promises, attitude, new routines) to be able to trust my partner?

-      Can I get that?

-      If I can’t get it, can I still trust?

-      What does my partner need from me to feel happy in the relationship?

Bitterness and grief is a choice. Happiness and moving on is another. It’s up to you. Yes, it is that easy.

More on: http://infidelitycheatingadvice.blogspot.com

When couples come to us for Marriage Counseling, often each spouse is overwhelmed by their own individual feelings. They have reached the point of desperation by the time they get to us and feelings have masked their thinking. Feelings can range from Anger to Fear.

The best way to stop painful feelings is to learn the “Feelings Follow Action” principle.

When we feel a negative emotion, we feel pretty powerless to do anything about it. We hope and pray that we will feel better – we expect the change in emotions to just “happen” to us, similar to how a cloud descends on someone.
We don’t “feel” like acting upbeat or cheerful. We’re sad, or upset, or anxious, etc. We can’t help what we feel. We feel like prisoners of our painful emotions. We want out, but are held hostage.

We can tell you a surefire way to change your feelings in less than an hour – but few people want to do it. When we are hurting – most folks just want to ‘stew’ in their emotional pot. Our negative feelings have sapped our energy.

When we are down, the last thing we want to do is to act happy. It’s fake, it’s phony, and we don’t really feel happy anyway. The truth is that if we take the ACTION of doing things that people do when they are happy – within about an hour, we will start feeling much happier. It’s hard to believe – but it’s the truth!
It seems too simple to actually work, doesn’t it?

All you need to try it for yourself is a list of behaviors you do when you are happy or in a good mood. Your list should be personalized to the things and ways you behave when you are cheerful and happy. Make sure to include doing loving things for other people. That is the greatest mood lifter of all. Even if you can only seek to bless your spouse – that’s OK.

Muster up the courage to try it, “Just this once”. Trying something once doesn’t usually overtax anyone. Tell yourself that this exercise won’t hurt you, and after an hour you can always go back to feeling the way you were feeling before.
Feelings really do follow actions!