Friend Bunny

Archive for September, 2010

Most of us dream of the perfect wedding day. Of course, not all of us achieve it. Some of us experience wedding day problems and even bloopers that either change the nuptial plans slightly or hugely. Of course, that is not enough reason for you not to plan your wedding according to your dreams.

Here are some useful tips to consider when planning your dream wedding day. The best thing about these tips is that your budget is well considered.

Tip 1 – Start with a budget.

However idealistic you are about your wedding plans, you would have to admit that one of the strongest foundations of a dream wedding day is budget. When we say budget, we do not mean having a small amount of dispensable money but having a price range for your planned wedding expenses.

Talk to your groom-to-be about the acceptable amount of money you want to spend for your most important day as a couple. List down and itemize possible expenses, if you have to. Consider not just your couple savings but also other sources such as both your parents’ commitments to chip in for the said wedding expenses.

Tip 2 – Conceptualize the kind of wedding you both want.

You can never control your budget if you do not agree on the kind of wedding you want. Be sure to sit down with your fiancé and talk about the details of your desired nuptial day. Develop a wedding day vision and tackle details such as ideal venue, number of guests, reception venue and food, giveaways and mementos and even honeymoon. By agreeing on similar concepts, you can easily hatch a detailed plan for your special day and agree on the expenses you both think are affordable and practical at the same time.

Tip 3 – Shop around.

If you love shopping, then you would surely get your heart’s desire when planning and preparing for weddings. You would need to shop for a bridal dress, for bridesmaids attires, for giveaways and gifts, for flowers and bouquets and also look around for the perfect ceremony and reception venues.

Be sure to widen your search and never commit before you are a 100% decided on something. You can also attend at least one bridal show not just to harvest great ideas and inspiration but also to collect contacts and networks for your nuptial day needs. A bridal show can be your easy solution to all your wedding day needs so be sure to attend at least one way long before the special date. Be sure to have your wedding directory ready for contacts to help out on your momentous day.

Tip 4 – Know which items you can get for free or for discounted prices.

Weddings do not always have to dent your finances. There are even those who manage great memorable weddings even for the most modest budgets. The key is to also be resourceful especially in accomplishing your wedding help list. Friends and family members would surely want to chip in – in the form of money, help, products and labor. For instance, some friends might want to create the invitations or even giveaways so you immediately save money on those.

There are two main types of controlling behavior in a marriage relationship. There is aggressive control, which is outward and overt and then there is passive control which is more covert and hidden.

Let’s tackle the aggressive, active control first. What are the typical ways someone can actively try to control one’s spouse?

It can be either spouse that tries to control their spouse. The root cause underneath the control is fear and insecurity. The controlling person believes that if they can control others their world will be more ok. Unfortunately it does not work out that way. The net result is distance, distrust and killing feelings of love.

When Michael and Susan came into our office, Susan presented as a meek and mild mannered woman. She said that Michael was a bully and that she was afraid of him. We spent some time with Michael individually as well, and he did not have much to say about himself or Susan. He was pretty shut down. When we worked with them as a couple we saw the dynamic between the two of them in action. Michael was obviously walking on egg shells, trying not to upset Susan. He was very careful to not say anything that would upset her.

Soon Susan’s façade as the meek and mild mannered spouse crumbled away as she showed her true colors by using anger to control Michael.

We work with a lot of couples in our Marriage Counseling practice where one spouse uses anger in an attempt to control the other. This is not the main problem in their recovery. The main problem is when the angry spouse does not own that they have an anger problem. When we gently confronted Susan about her Anger problem she became highly defensive and blamed her anger on Michael’s behavior. According to Susan, she was merely reacting to Michael and was not taking responsibility for her choice to become angry.

Passive anger commonly referred to as “passive aggressive” behavior can be just as destructive as overt anger.

Michael knew that every time he would withdraw in a discussion it would drive Susan up the wall. He knew that not following through on commitments infuriated her. He knew that breaking promises pushed Susan’s hottest button. Most passive aggressive behavior is intentional, although a passive aggressive person can really come across as the “nice guy”.

The more passive Michael would be, the more aggressive Susan would become. It was a lose-lose situation. How can this cycle of controlling behavior be broken? Since you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge the first step is getting both spouse to see and acknowledge their behaviors. Although it is the truth that set’s us free, it is the truth about ourselves not the truth in general.

After Susan and Michael each saw their own behaviors in this light, they were ready for the next step.

The next step was for each of them to come up with baby steps that would eliminate their individual controlling behaviors.

Susan set a goal to give herself a timeout when she first started feeling angry. She also started jogging which helped her release a lot of the stress in her life.

Michael started journaling his feelings. This was a safe way for Michael to start feeling his feelings and expressing his feelings. He shared a lot of his journal with Susan. Michael learned how to confront Susan when she tried to control him with her anger by speaking up and saying “I don’t deserve to be spoken to this way”.

There are many steps that couples can take in learning how to stop trying to control each other. We have shown just a couple ideas about how to stop the unhealthy pattern and bring the two of you closer.

If you need more help, we recommend getting into effective Marriage Counseling which can help you regain the closeness you once had.

If you are interested in finding out more about our Marriage Counseling practice, you can find us on the web at www.MarriageRescue.org

National Friendship month is a unique and wonderful time of year that is devoted to honoring “friends” and friendship. The relationship between people who have forged ties that include commitment, love, trust, and loyalty create some of the strongest bonds that are possible between individuals.  Sometimes these friendly relationships have histories that date back to childhood while other people seem to instantly become friends almost from the moment they meet. Regardless of how friendships start, they should be valued and cherished. Best friends do not have to be constantly reminded about how strong the bonds are that they have with each other, but it adds strength to the relationship when there is a special time of the year that is dedicated to celebrating friendships.

There are many different friendship month activities that will be taking place and these will vary throughout the country. The greeting card industry has hundreds of cards that pay tribute to friends and some of these include recordable voice greetings. Even stuffed animals and dolls will be purchased and exchanged among different individuals in honor of the month of friendship. Some people will arrange picnics, dinners, and luncheons while others will create booklets, photo albums and write long letters to express their feelings for their best friends.

A great way to express your gratitude and love for your friends is with The Friendship Stone. This semi-precious gemstone is a stunning tribute that will let each recipient know just how grateful you are to have them in your life. The Friendship Stone is a natural Tiger’s Eye that blazes with the rich fiery color and unique bands that sets it apart from others. These gems are carefully chosen for their appearance and then they undergo six weeks of tumbling and polishing that showcases the beauty of each individual stone.

Imagine the joy that such a gift will bring to any of your friends, but especially to ones who you have not seen in some time. They will be delighted that you have remembered them, and they will be thrilled that you cared enough to send them such a splendid token of friendship. A gift as individual and as lovely as The Friendship Stone is a wonderful way to say “Thank You” and it also lets people know that you truly value the impact that they have made in your life. Each Tiger’s Eye is unique and different (even if you give to several of your friends). So just like no two people are the same, no two gifts will ever be identical. And like your friendships, they are all irreplaceable.  

Toronto owns some of the best wedding services in the entire state.  And when it comes to wedding quality video services are inevitable.  The nature of services rendered by videographers in Toronto varies depending upon the size of the wedding.  There would be a special video for the wedding ceremony held in a church.  In addition to this, videos are taken for wedding receptions and parties that follow the ceremonial wedding.  Thus, one has to appoint a group of experts in order to cover the event in its entirety.  For grand weddings, videographers arrive a day before the wedding and cover the on going preparations along with special guests and visitors.  Also, dinner parties are held by some people on the eve of the wedding.  Especially, at the bride’s end wedding preparations hold special importance and glory.

If you want your wedding ceremony and reception to be some close to grand, you would also want to appoint a reputed wedding planner.  In such a case, you need not worry about finding videographers or photographers.  Of course, your planner would wait for your approval before finalizing the contract for these services.  However, you need not spend too much of your valuable time looking into sample wedding albums, wedding video Toronto sites and reviews.  If you are aligned with a professional planner, he would know the best video services available in the market, their rates, methods and strategies, etc.  So, you can depend on them without having much to worry about.  

However, if you are planning to have a humble wedding party and reception, probably you would be left with the responsibility to find a good videographer.  Under such circumstances, you should start your investigation at least a month before wedding.  Look online for feasible video and photography services.  Visit them personally and check out their video quality.  Compare the cameras and lighting equipments used.  Do not pick a photographer who uses outdated technology.  Professionals never work with obsolete equipments.  Also, compare their rates and request them to shoot a sample video for you.  Finally, get the opinion of your family and friends before finalizing your choice.

Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free and see the stunning performance of Julia Roberts in her role as the famous Elizabeth Gilbert. Based on the true story of Elizabeth Gilbert through the original book of her memoirs, Eat, Pray Love is the journey of one woman as she travels around the world in an attempt to find the meaning of life and discover her own true identity.

Happily married and trying for a baby Elizabeth Gilbert is far from unhappy. On top of that she also has her own home and a successful career. However, one day she realises her whole life has been nothing but a string of boyfriends and she has never had two minutes to be herself. Elizabeth sets off around the world after going through a painful divorce to regain her lost identity.

Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free to see one of the most heart felt and gripping drama movies of the year as she travels from Italy to India and finally to Bali. In Italy she discovers the true pleasure of eating, in India she learns the meaning of prayer and finally in Bali she discovers love and it’s true harmony.

Check out the trailer online right now if you have yet to Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free. When you Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free trailer you will quickly see why so many people are already trying to Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free right now. Due for release on the 12th August 2010 many people will have to wait for a few months yet before they can Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free. However, you can always Watch Eat, Pray, Love Online Free trailers while you wait.

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In Christian homes when the husband does not assume his Spiritual Leader role a vacuum forms and often the wife is forced into being the leader. This is uncomfortable for the wife since God did not give her that responsibility. It can create a great deal of resentment in both the wife and also the husband who can interpret this as “control”.

When the wife is forced into filling this role it can often lead to being the leader in many other ways. Now there is real danger of inappropriate balance of control in the home.

In our Marriage Counseling practice we see this situation often. We are presented with couples that are not filling the roles that they were designed to fill. When we speak with the wife who is perceived as controlling by her husband, she often tells us that she would give anything to “get off the throne” and follow her husband, but he just won’t lead.

What can she do? What can he do? The first step is to understand who God has called us to be. God has called the husband to be the “servant leader” in the home, even going so far as to lay down his life for his wife and family as Christ laid down His life for the Church. We see many husbands who would step in front of a bus for their wives but neglect to protect their wives in the day to day business of life.

There may be a number of reasons why he is not “stepping up to the plate” as leader. Oftentimes we see passive men marry more outgoing and active women. The man’s passivity becomes a serious problem in these relationships. He stays in his comfort zone, not realizing or caring what this is doing to the relationship. In this case, it is important for the wife to step aside and not lead; even if things fall through the cracks. The husband cannot fill a role that is already filled. He cannot lead if she is leading. It may seem very scary, but it is absolutely necessary to let him fill the role.

It may also be that she has always felt like she is the one who should be in control, thinking her husband as incapable of leading. It is particularly important for her to turn over the reins to her husband.

Sometimes it has nothing at all to do with the wife. Some men are just so passive that it would never dawn on them to be the leader. In this case it may require counseling from your Pastor or Marriage Counseling from a Christian Marriage Counselor.

So, what should the husband do? After realizing and understanding that this is his God given role, he will need to confront the fear of operating in the unknown. His job is to make sure that he understands who is in Christ. There are many good books written on this subject. God gives us the Grace to do what He calls us to do, so the husband is able to lead.

There are practical things that a Spiritual Leader does. He makes sure that he has his own personal time with God on a daily basis. That he “talks” with God on a regular basis. This includes more than just speaking to God (what we normally call praying) but listening as well. He himself needs to be strengthened before he can successfully lead others.

He is responsible for making sure he and his wife spend joint time with God. This can include Bible Study, prayer, attending a Church that fulfills both of them and making sure the whole family is included if there are children in the home.

He is also responsible for protecting the home from any outside bad influences or spiritual attacks.

He can also see that he and his wife become active in a small group at their Church. This will help surround the couple with fellow believers who are like minded and are there for each other.

This may seem like a big job, but God never gives us a job too big for us to handle.

We pray that your marriage fulfills God’s calling and that both you and your Spouse search out what God has in store for you. If you both are close to God, you will be close to each other.