Friend Bunny

Posts Tagged ‘After’

A few years ago I happened to pass by my boyfriend’s phone when it was ringing and I saw a girl’s name appear on the screen. At 11pm. I then realised how often he took his phone with him into the bathroom or how he got text messages without spontaneously telling me who they were from. It was a painful period, and of course it turned out he had another girl in his life… Now they live together and I’m happy in my love life, but it still hurts when I’m thinking of it. The fighting, worrying, wondering. The lies.

Me and the guy broke up and moved on, but sometimes infidelity is just an interruption in an otherwise happy relationship. It’s most times hard or impossible to justify or understand, but if the life you have together is larger than a drunken incident or a moment of inhibitions, you might give love a chance.

Some advice, if you want to save your marriage or relationship, are:

-      Cheating is external: See the cheating as a big black demon coming into your relationship. It doesn’t matter who was responsible for the act; both of you are hurt and damaged; one is feeling betrayed and the other ashamed. But the problem is best treated if it’s seen as something outside of the relationship that both of you have to fight off, move on from and leave it behind.

-      No blame game: If you don’t see the cheating as a shared problem, the post cheating phase can easily turn into a blame game where you play “victim and criminal”. If you keep on dwelling the past, you will be trapped in the negative emotions and memories. If you spend your time and energy finding ways to be happy from now on, it will be easier to move on.

-      How to move on? This means it is important that you don’t try to find answers or explanations for what happened if there are no rational reasons. Human beings are not always acting smart and we don’t always act according to our values. Sometimes we get carried away and loose control. Only look at the answer to the question “why did it happen?” if you also answer “How can we prevent it from happening again? Accept that the dark demon came in to your life and that you want a brighter future. The good guys win.

-      A new promise: Trust is the key to move on. You need to promise each other that you want to be together full on. You want to love and be loved. You want to be a team – strong and happy together. Tell your partner what you like about your relationship and listen to them. Trust doesn’t come from “I will never do this again”, but from “I want to love YOU and create a good life together”. Cheating and infidelity is very selfish. It can’t be justified. The cheater hurts other people, and if you have children you betray them too. But if you and your spouse seriously want to fix things between you, you seriously have to let go of the past. Create a new contract between you. Sit down, hug and kiss, and make promises and plans around these areas:

-      What will make you feel loved?

-      How can I make you happy?

-      What can I do in my life or my own personal development to make our relationship happier?

-      Can we spend more time together, give more compliments, have more sex, go out more with friends etc…?

As a love coach I prefer to give you some more questions, rather than giving advice. The best advice comes from within you. When you are aware of your feelings and understand the situation, you will know what to do.

-      Can I choose to trust my loved one?

-      What do I need (words, promises, attitude, new routines) to be able to trust my partner?

-      Can I get that?

-      If I can’t get it, can I still trust?

-      What does my partner need from me to feel happy in the relationship?

Bitterness and grief is a choice. Happiness and moving on is another. It’s up to you. Yes, it is that easy.

More on: http://infidelitycheatingadvice.blogspot.com

Q. Does a friendship quiz really work?

A. That depends upon what results you are seeking from a friendship quiz. If you are seeking to learn how to become a better friend, then the real results are found more in understanding the lessons that are hidden in the question rather than trying to pick the right answer. In fact, if the friendship quiz is well designed, the answer to each question will be very apparent without even having to guess.

There are certain well-defined traits that make a person a good friend, and there are other “variable” issues that get thrown into the mix.

Some of the well-defined traits include loyalty, honesty, the ability to listen, and the ability to understand your friend’s feelings. A friendship quiz should give you a way to measure whether or not you have those traits.

These kinds of well-defined traits are easy to work into a friendship quiz. What’s not so easy are the “variable” traits that I mentioned. For example, knowing when to “butt out” of your friend’s business is a trait that no friendship quiz can measure. Likewise, knowing when to say “No” to a friend’s request is another vague concept that no friendship quiz is likely to be able to quantify.

The real issue is: Do you actually need to take a friendship quiz to figure out if you are a good friend? Maybe yes, maybe no. If you think of the friendship quiz as a “checklist”, then you can run down that checklist to see if you seem to be meeting the basic requirements.

However, if you “fail” the friendship quiz that doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good friend. A friendship quiz, like any quiz, has a built-in bias since it measures what the quiz’s author thinks are valuable traits of friendship. The author may be all wrong in that the friendship quiz may measure things that aren’t important to you and your friends.

My advice is to consider a friendship quiz as an “entertainment only” device and not something that will cause you to become a hermit if you don’t score 100%.

The best friendship quiz is one that only your head and your heart knows the answers to. Treat your friends like you would want to be treated and you won’t need a friendship quiz to keep score.

It’s a lovely idea to spend a whole day worshipping love, taking loved ones out for dinners and buy teddy bears with cute messages. Valentine’s gives us an opportunity to celebrate our relationships.

But what about the other 364 days of the year?

Let this years Valentine celebration be a starting point for a refreshed, rejuvenated and remarkable relationship. Love and relationship coach Carolin Dahlman is helping people fall in love and stay in love, through one on one coaching. These are her tips on how to find love in your relationship, beyond Valentine’s.

 1.      Find out how your partner wants to be loved.

We are all different and have different needs. Most times we tend to give love in the way we would like to receive it. If you like to be touched, you are more likely to touch your partner. But what if he or she rather wants a compliment? Ask how your loved one wants to be pampered with love. How can you make them feel good? And then start giving every day… Don’t forget to share what would make you happy as well! 

2.      Take time to work on the relationship.

Great relationships don’t just happen. You may think that love conquers all, but why not give it a hand. Give love space in the clutter of evening classes, dishes, parental duties and shopping. Make a habit of spending just 5 minutes giving each other full attention and a kiss every morning or evening. Have a special “love time” booked in every week, when you feel the love and give, give, give.

 3.      Do not litter.

A lot of couple uses each other as bins for their emotional garbage. You had a bad day and your partner becomes the victim of your grumpy mood. Be careful with your littering. Your energy is contagious and your partner gets affected by you. Stop complaining, criticising or pushing. Be aware of this and start spreading positive energy. Love with your heart.  

 4.      Focus on being happy.

If you are happy, your relationship will bloom. Take responsibility for your needs. Make your voice heard if you feel something is not right, instead of giving silent treatments or such. Figure out what is important to you, to make you feel great and be a loving and happy person to be and live with, and start meeting those needs. Exercise, meditation, time alone, time with your friends? Make sure your partner understands the importance of you getting this. 

5.      Be grateful for being loved.

You are in a beautiful relationship and you have a partner. You are a team. You are friends. You are each others rock, passion and inspiration. Our minds are creating our feelings. If you think of all your partner’s faults and flaws, you will feel miserable. If you think of all the fabulous traits and how happy you are for having this person in your life, you will feel the love. Your head has limited space, so fill it with positive thoughts and you will enjoy your relationship more.

Valentine’s vows

On that romantic moment you share on the 14th of February, why not take the opportunity to promise each other a year of love, and not just a day. Promise each other to make effort and build a relationship that gives you energy and happiness in your everyday life.

 How can love live without the candle light dinner:

I promise you that I will ………………………………..

I would be happy if you could …………………………

For more info and relationship advice www.coaching2love.com

Remarriage after divorce

Divorce is a very painful experience. It leaves some unwanted memories and people who had gone through divorce usually become cautious when they want to start a new relationship with someone else.

Remarriage after divorce might be a confusing decision to take. Because people will try to avoid all the mistakes that happened in the previous marriage and they are not sure they can fix the problems. They usually have lack of confidence in their selves to lead a successful marriage because the old failures haunt them and make them hesitant to take the decision.

What would affect your chances of getting married after a divorce? There are many factors. For example a single young lady might have less chances of getting married again if she has some children.

There are many factors like education, income and social factors.

If you want to succeed in your new marriage, you need to be aware about some specific things, do not let past failures discourage you, and follow these tips.

1) Remove any unsettled issues from your old marriage and be ready to start a new life. Make sure you are over the divorce, financially, emotionally and socially.

2) Assess your performance. The best thing you can do to start again with a successful remarriage is to evaluate your faults and try to avoid them to enjoy a new marriage without deadly mistakes.

3) Wait and think before taking a hasty decision. Take time to know your new partner and try to explore new and unveiled sides of his/her character. This will help you tighten your relationship with your new partner and will help you accept him/her as a new partner without any imaginary or illogical expectation.

4) Let your new partner know the real you. Do not try to cover yourself with a false aura. Talk about your hopes, ambitions, beliefs, expectations, fears and disappointments. Be open and honest with your future partner and ready the air for him/her to talk about him/herself too. Honesty is crucial if you want your remarriage to be successful.

5) Have a new start. Do not stay in the same place or hang out with the same mutual friends. Make a little change to your community, college or job. Avoid any relationship with your ex and be ready to forget about the past and its woes.

6) Go for new activities. New hobbies, new job or new decisions in your life will help you overcome divorce and will enhance your confidence to better help you make a successful remarriage. Sharing new activities with your new partner or working for a voluntary cause will help you reorganize your life.

Remarriage after a divorce could be an exciting experience. You need to leave the past behind and look forward to your future. Live your moment and you will make it last this time.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Remarriage Matrimonial Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

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